Uncertain

I’ve been very afraid recently. I have plunged myself into an ocean of uncertainty, and am looking for some solid ground to stand on still.

I left school because I realized it’s not where I want to be. Not that I have exactly figured out where I do want to be, but I knew that I had to take that first step before I could figure anything else out.

The past few weeks have been rocky. I am working on The Paper Hat Game, but besides that I am unemployed in every sense of the word. I have spent most of my time reading Dune, burning through my savings, and applying to writing jobs. I am not very happy, but I know that I made the right choice. I am uncertain, but I am growing more comfortable with uncertainty. And I’m still learning everyday. Which is really the point, isn’t it?

Being afraid and stressed out does have a counterpoint: I’m also very excited. Far from being without a paddle, I have multiple opportunities on my plate, and I’ve got enough saved up to not worry about starving anytime soon. So I’m taking this time of uncertainty to prepare for whatever might come my way next. I’m still reading and writing everyday, and I’m brushing up on my Spanish and my Javascript. I’m getting rid of all the things I don’t need.

I might go back to Texas, or I might fuck off to some organic vineyard in Spain for a while. Because I’m 21 and unemployed, and should probably do something kind of stupid.

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